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Infidelity Doesn’t ‘Just Happen’

Black Health Matters / Lifestyle  / Relationships  / Infidelity Doesn’t ‘Just Happen’

Infidelity Doesn’t ‘Just Happen’

Cheating on your partner is not good therapy

Nobody sums it up more eloquently than Sir Walter Scott: “Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.” It’s simple: cheating is dishonest any way you look at it. The cheater is making a mockery of their primary relationship and starting a secondary one likely based on some imperfection (that may or may not actually exist). Dare I say, it really boils down to a lack of communication and not being true to yourself or your partner in reviewing the status quo of your relationship. But surely if you’re in a long-term and loving relationship with your soul mate, shouldn’t you be able to tell this person anything? Apparently not.

Is honesty always the best policy?

After making such an emotional, spiritual and mental investment, one would hope that being open and honest with your partner is a given; unfortunately, that’s not always the case. When you love someone, your priority is to make them happy, both in the relationship and in how they feel about themselves. We often tend to believe that confrontations should be avoided at all costs, for fear of making the other person feel in any way less worthy of your affections. Our natural impulse is to provide them with the necessary support to make them feel whole and a valuable and equal contributor to the relationship. This dishonesty can ultimately have the opposite effect and initiate an unravelling that could doom the relationship in the long run.

Instead of having a “difficult” discussion, people take the easy option and step outside their relationship to find what they think is missing at home. How ironic that this dishonesty fuels even more dishonesty when the issue at hand could actually have a seemingly simple solution?

With today’s hookup culture and the recent hack of Ashley Madison, most people explore other alternative dating—married dating. If things really are that bad at home, why not just walk away and start afresh rather than engage in a short-term and ill-fated tryst? What drives some women to be attracted to men already attached to someone else? You may have heard some of these reasons from your friends or acquaintances who have admitted to such a dalliance:

Sex with older men is great, but there’s no intimacy.
It’s just a way to boost my self-esteem.
His job provides us with a great home and nice things, but we never do anything together.
Our relationship is so predictable, I need some excitement in my life.
I’ve tried to tell him what I need, but he just won’t listen.
My libido is too high and he leaves me unfulfilled.
I’m just testing the water to see if there’s something better out there.
All these triggers are the underlying part of a bigger problem, and if you don’t have the ability to fix it, then find someone who can. The often-used excuse of it “just happened” is a big fat lie; what you really meant to say was, “I really don’t think my relationship is worth saving, so I’m just gonna have some fun until it fizzles out.”

In today’s world, you can always find a solution to whatever conundrum you’re facing in life and there’s absolutely no shame in seeking outside help. Life can throw you so many curve balls from different angles, and nobody can expect to be equipped with all the tools and resources to dodge them effectively.

When you find yourself in a situation where it feels like yourrelationship is on the brink of disaster and you need a lifeline, there are many tools available to help resolve your crisis. Coaching is an interactive way to help identify your goals and figure out the best approach to help you achieve them. As the other woman, the Cycle of Change can provide the perfect antidote to guide you to a more positive path. If you’re the wife, however, Mistress Breaker will share the most effective tactics to remove the offending individual and reclaim your marriage and rejuvenate your relationship. Whether in a 1-2-1 or workshop setting, you can learn how to manage your situation and restore calm to your home life.

From BLC Life

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Debrah Mathis